Friday, January 11, 2008

Hey Iran - I've seen the Gates of Hell. They're fun!

I come from a family where politics create tension. Remember May 1997, when Maine was overtaken by a bitter fight on a bill that would prevent discrimination based on sexual orientation? My father and I stopped speaking to each other for three days. When Bush won a second term in 2004, my mom placed a moratorium on political discussions when the family got together in an effort to avoid a replay of 1997. I’ve been known to call my parents (to their face) uninformed, one-issue voters.[1] They’ve called me a radical liberal and belong to a religion whose leader holds people like me (homosexuals or atheists, depending on the day) responsible for all of the troubles in the world.

Don’t worry! I’m not writing about this because I’m about to endorse some miracle candidate that both my parents and I support. At this point in time I don’t want to use my blog to stump for individual candidates of any national race.[2] I just wanted to point out that it was my parents who helped me hone my sharp tongue when it comes to affairs of state. It was they who forced me to back up every statement I made and it was they who made sure that I was ready to defend any bit of derision or mockery when we hashed out our various ideologies over the dinner table. So, I guess I wrote it to say “Thank you mom and dad. I love you.”

However (back to the blog), should I see a candidate from any party saying something totally ridiculous, like anybody else I catch saying something ridiculous, you can bet I’ll be skewering them here.

For example: Let’s pretend that Mike Huckabee was quoted in the Times Online as saying, “Be prepared, first, to put your sights on the American vessel. And then be prepared that the next thing you see will be the gates of Hell, because that is exactly what you will see after that.”[3] That’s the sort of thing that might catch my attention. I might get kind of curious as to what the Gates of Hell look like. I might even run a Google image-search on the phrase.

If I did, you can be sure I would put a link right here so you could see what Iran would see (it's better if you turn off Google Safe Search). Now, I’m not sure if Huckabee was referring to the Rodin sculpture or to the multi-looped cock-ring, but I don’t see how either could be strong deterrents.

Good thing he would never leave an opening like that for me to lampoon. Right?

[1] To be fair, although my mom is a republican and will only vote for anti-abortion candidates running at the congressional and presidential levels, she was also the campaign manager for her good friend Terry Hayes, a democratic member of the Maine State House of Representatives.

[2] I reserve the right to stump for local politicos or to change my mind at some point in the future. However, I’ll give a notice before I exercise that right.

[3] Reid, Tim. Iran dominates Republican presidential debate in conservative South Carolina,” Times Online. 11 January 2008 . 11 January 2008.

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